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Before recounting my decade of denial and deceit, here are the bare-headed facts: I suffer from a type of baldness I call “the Prince William.” It combines an expanding circular patch on top (“the Friar Tuck”) and receding corners (“the Jude Law”). The two must eventually meet. Or, to put it another way: The bridge between my last strongholds of follicle activity has grown ever thinner, my hairline drifting apart like two continental landmasses. What once resembled Pangaea is now little more than a footbridge over the Bering Strait.

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I almost did. Another five years would pass until I conceded defeat. I moved to Hong Kong and found amiracle barberwho proved that coolness isn’t a hairstyle alone. A budding breakdancer (and bald by choice: hair is something of an impediment to head-spinning), he was adept at arranging my remaining locks in a way that maintained the illusion.

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Instagram’s algorithms discovered my situation and began populating my feed with clips of extreme toupée makeovers. Hints from loved ones were even less subtle — like when my wife returned from a work trip brandishing a gift, only to reveal a bottle of UV-protective scalp spray. Who said romance is dead?

In the meantime, I began making self-deprecating jokes and became more comfortable discussing my fate. Invariably, friends offered the same three condolences in reply: 1) That “at least” I can grow a beard, 2) that I have a “good-shaped head,” whatever that means, and 3) that, if I’m lucky, I might end up resembling the universal gold standard of attractive bald White dudes: Bruce Willis.

If you find yourself reassuring a balding man that he looks like Bruce Willis, I promise you he’s heard it many times before. It is reassuring, nonetheless.

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I’d spend cumulative hours trying to convince individual strands to stick back down. Then one winter morning, as I fussed over a group of errant strays, a moment of clarity: I had grown more insecure about my hair than what lurked beneath.

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“I was like, ‘What the f**k?’” he recalled over Zoom. “I didn’t say it, but I felt assaulted. Not only because he tapped me on the head, but because I didn’t even know I was bald! That was the first I’d heard about it.”

He soon found looking at photos of himself depressing. He too was assured that “at least” he had a beard and a “good-shaped head” — again, whatever that means. Someone told him he looked like Jason Statham, who is just the British equivalent to Willis. For Anton, going bald was “a very lonely” experience, especially at such a young age.

“There is something especially isolating about something happening to you that is socially acceptable to laugh at,” he said. “There wasn’t a sense of anyone feeling anything other than, ‘Sucks to be you.’”

For the record, Anton looks great bald — and I’m not just returning his compliment. Unlike me, he’s got some muscle on him. As a boxing instructor, he suits the skinhead look. In a2012 study, which I cite simply because I approve of the results, University of Pennsylvania researchers found that images of men with their hair digitally removed were perceived to be “more dominant, taller and stronger” when compared to the original photographs.

“Holding on to your hair is a lot less attractive than just getting rid of it,” Anton said. “You can look sharper. You just change the image of yourself in your mind’s eye, then you suddenly appreciate it for a different aesthetic value.

“It’s taken me 35 years, but now I’m very fond of how I look,” he added. “I got to a point where I realized any criticism of my appearance isn’t based on anything other than an impression of what other people might think.”

I am not massively worried about being considered less attractive. Nor am I concerned about looking older or being called a “slaphead,” as we’re disparagingly known in Britain. It’s the loss of identity I struggle with.

What is the future upside potential of Repco Home Finance Limited (REPCOHOME) ✌️【Freelance Investing】✌️ Free real-time stock data analysis to help you capture global market trends and steadily grow your capital. My hairless head will, forever more, be my distinguishing physical attribute. To strangers I am now, officially, “that bald guy.”Who ordered the lasagna?That bald guy at table seven.Where’s the bathroom?On the left, just past that bald guy.Does the queue start here?No, it goes back to that bald guy.

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“I wasn’t a cool or attractive teenager in the slightest,” he recalled. “But I managed to build up a good social life because I could make people laugh. I took a decision, fairly early on in life, that I’d only get anywhere if I relied on my wit, charm and personality. Baldness was pretty low down on my list of priorities.”

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Lifestyle factors can play a part, and I often wonder whether my fate was hastened by eating trans fats and not sleeping enough, or by living in Beijing during some of its most grimly polluted years. But my hairline’s retreat was likely predestined. As such, I am at peace with it. Although I didn’t grow bald gracefully, I can still aspire tobebald with grace.

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