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It has been almost four years since the world went into lockdown from the Covid-19 pandemic — but don’t be surprised if you haven’t brought sexy back yet.

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“I’ve been hearing about this since the first couple of months of the pandemic and it’s definitely a trend that has continued,” saidVanessa Marin,a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Santa Barbara, California.

If you and your partner have found yourself in a bit of a rut, there are ways to break out of it, she said.

“Being in a relationship really is like working together as a team to figure out, ‘Hey, what is it that we’re both wanting, and how do we work together to get it?” added Marin, coauthor of “Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life.”

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“It makes sense that people experienced a lot of difficulties during this time because you had these major life disruptions that didn’t necessarily go away when the world reopened,” said Lehmiller, who is also host of the “Sex and Psychology Podcast.”

“For the vast majority of people, if you’re under a lot of stress, your body shuts down any pathway to arousal and desire,” she said.

On top of concerns about the state of the world and your family’s health, transitioning to a Covid-19 world of no childcare, working from home and fewer social outlets meant increased stress for many people — but especially women in particular.

“The pandemic brought issues of mental load and mental labor really to the forefront in a way that it never has been before,” Marin said. Mental load refers to tasks that take planning, preparation and keeping track to maintain a household.

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It makes sense that women who took on a greater share of domestic labor — all while working from home — would start to feel like intimacy with their partner was another item on the list of things for other people, she added.

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Importantly, that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s when you will be having sex, and it really shouldn’t have pressure for it to lead there, she said.

Instead, cuddle, kiss or hold hands at that designated time and be open to where it might go. And don’t forget to have fun with it, Fox said.

“That regular sort of rhythm of activity is, is what’s required because otherwise drift takes over,” she added. “And if you’re already drifting from the pandemic, it feels awkward to get back into it.”

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First, take inventory of your emotional connection with your partner: Are you feeling disconnected or resentful? Working on those elements of the relationship together or with a therapist could address physical issues, Marin said.

“The vast majority of people describe their sex as boring, routine, predictable, and that there’s nothing in it for them,” she added.

You might not know exactly what it is that would bring some spice back, but start by asking yourself and talking with your partner about what you do enjoy in your sex life — following that guidance may improve the experience for you, Marin said.

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“Theresearch has shown that 30% of women experienced pain the last time they had sex, which is a really mind-boggling number,” Marin said. “If you’re experiencing pain during sex, it makes zero sense to crave it, so addressing sexual pain is another great starting point for a lot of people.”

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In his research, there were “a lot of people who dealt with our sexual difficulties just by avoiding sex, because sometimes it’s easier to just not do it and not talk about it than it is to have those difficult conversations,” Lehmiller said.

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