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“How many events can I even physically show up to when you have work and other responsibilities?” asked Huggins, an editorial consultant in West Windsor, New Jersey. “And is it going to scar my child if I go to the two chorus things and not the holiday pageant or the holiday party? And then am I going to scar my child if I give them too few gifts or not enough gifts?”

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Like Huggins, many parents are up against the “mother lode” of stressway before the holiday season adds extra demands. What should parents do when even more is piled on for the holidays?

Experts say parents can try to make the season more manageable by rethinking expectations, asking for help, handling family drama strategically and giving themselves something to look forward to in January.

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“It could be cozy and warm,” Seewald said. “So everything you do during the holiday season — the shopping, the cooking, the getting together — you can always pause and ask yourself this question: Is this making me feel cozy and warm? Is this aligned with my intention?”

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Parents can also consider the source of their expectations, said Kimberly Solo, a Medfield, Massachusetts-based therapist who treats adult women. Parents may feel pressure to get matching family pajamas because they see others doing it on social media.

But doing so may be too expensive or even just annoying. Instead, she suggested parents ask: “What’s our bandwidth? How much do we have to give this holiday season?”

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For some families, the presents just pile up, but Seewald said it is possible to cut down on the number of gifts without being a grinch. She suggested parents ask for donations to a charity — which they could select with their kids. Or, if a large family is getting together, each family member could pick one kid to buy for and invest in a meaningful gift.

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If your finances are tight during the holidays, the pressure can be hard. “Buy nothing” groupscan help, and it’s OK to ask for basic needs. (And remind yourself that children will remember the hot chocolate and movie nights more than the latest electronic gadgets they did not get when they’re older.)

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“Plan something for January to look forward to that doesn’t involve taking care of other people,” she said.

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