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For some people, including me, going alcohol-free is also the solution when drinking starts to harm your mental health. But doing so can create a predicament if you still want to hang out in bars, clubs or parties where drinking alcohol is both the norm — and the main thing helping you feel at ease in those environments.

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“So we work very hard to try to conceal the things we think might make us vulnerable, the things that people might think are wrong with us,” added Hendriksen, a clinical assistant professor at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. “We worry thatthose perceived fatal flaws will be seen and pointed out, and we will bear negative social consequences because of that.”

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But experts, and people with personal experience, have advice for how you can achieve the same mindset without alcohol.

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But developing true self-confidence starts with recognizing the lies feeding the habit, Hendriksen said: One, that whatever we’re trying to avoid is dangerous or going to hurt us, and two, that we can’t cope with whatever curveballs social life may throw at us.

Feeling confident in these environments, therefore, is based on the knowledge that youcanhandle whatever comes up — that unlike what your brain has been conditioned to think, you can trust yourself. However, this is a lesson learned over time, and it can start with approaching your fears instead of avoiding them, according to experts.

“Just put yourself out there” may sound like a cliché, but there isa lot of truth in that saying. If you avoid situations you’re scared of due to fears that something bad will happen, your brain never gets the chance to have experiences that could turn out positively.

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“I had to practice real courage,” said Kuda, a sober living coach and author of “Unbottled Potential: Break Up With Alcohol and Break Through to Your Best Life.”

“That meant flexing a muscle that had atrophied in my personality,” she added. “As I started to flex that muscle, I realized that ‘Hey, I’m going to stumble, and there’s going to be moments when I feel uncomfortable.’ But at the end of the event, I always felt so much more powerful forconquering it without alcohol.”

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“If you’re trying to recreate skills that you have as a drinking person, that you feel confident you’ll have as a sober person, absolutely find ways to practice and get that confidence up,” Kuda said. “But also, the biggest thing to remember is if everyone else around you is drinking … their perception of what you’re doing is so diluted that you could be as wild and crazy as you want and you’re not going to stir any sort of concern.”

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In addition to doing inner work, you can use more immediate strategies to feel confident at events. In Gooch’s early days of sobriety, she would socialize at more familiar places or put on a “confidence playlist” before going out.

Keep a nonalcoholic drink in your hand.One thing that’s nice about drinking at social events is that constantly holding a drink gives you a physical anchor, something to do with your hands.

Focus on the positives.No matter what your “why” is for not drinking, reminding yourself of your resolve can boost your confidence about your decision to challenge yourself.

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Don’t overprepare.Thinking of a few topics to discuss with people is fine, experts said, but overpreparing can make you seem stiff and prevent your brain from learning how to adapt to a dynamic situation.

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“In the long term, there’s just been so many benefits, like my mental health has been transformed,” said Gooch, who has been sober for nearly six years. “My physical health is better. I’m just a much more reliable human and a full productive member of society.”

“That confidence I gained from choosing to buck the social norm is so much more than the fake confidence I ever got from alcohol,” she said, “and every aspect of my life has transformed since then — from my emotional well-being to my professional success to my personal health.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol use disorder, call the US Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’shelpline 800-662-HELP (4357)for treatment referrals and information services. The international serviceCrisis Text Lineprovides a live, trained crisis counselor via a simple text for help.

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