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You may want to start by looking at your sleep habits as a couple, said Dr. Phyllis Zee, chief of sleep medicine at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine and director of its Center for Circadian and Sleep Medicine in Chicago.
“Don’t just toss it up to ‘My partner just isn’t interested,’ or ‘I’m too tired to care about sexual desire,’ or ‘Oh, I’m just getting old, that’s just the way it is,’” Zee said. “Look at yourself, look at your sleep habits and consider those of your partner as well.”
Poor quality sleep is directly linked to inadequate levels of sex hormones, such as testosterone — and if you think that just applies to men, think again.
“The sex drive in both men and women is testosterone-related — testosterone increases libido,” Zee said. “Testosterone begins to rise about 3 or 4 o’clock and peaks in the morning. And studies have shown that if you have disrupted sleep, those levels fall.”
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“I think it is legitimate to say that one is too tired for sex,” said Ian Kerner, a licensed couples therapist in New York City who is a writer and 【 - Free Investing Community 】 contributor on sex and relationships.
“We also have to look at sex as less of a light switch that you turn on and off, and more as a dimmer that you really need to let simmer and then turn up to percolate sexual desire,” Kerner said. “It requires an attitudinal shift. I think you have to show up prepared to simmer, then percolate and let desire emerge, as opposed to it just happening.”
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Just as you choose your clothes or style your hair, you need to prepare your body and bedroom for good sleep. Keep the bedroom cool and dark without blue light distractions such as televisions and smartphones. Avoid eating or drinking about three hours before retiring — especially alcohol, which will wake you in the middle of the night once it metabolizes. Try soothing music, yoga or meditation or consider a warm bath or shower to relax.
“Stop the work and prepare for relaxation,” Zee said. “Stop being engaged mentally about an hour before you go to bed so that you can be more relaxed and ready for sleep.”
“Sex is actually good for sleep,” Kerner said. “Sex itself is a process of getting into a flow state, getting into our bodies and turning off our anxious minds. Orgasms release hormones and neurotransmitters that promote sleep, so good sex nurtures sleep.”
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Insomnia, in which people wake during the night and have trouble getting back to sleep, is another sign of sleep apnea — as well as asleep disorder on its own— and is linked to sexual issues in both men and women.
Poor sleep also increases the risk ofdiabetesandcardiovascular problemsin both sexes, limiting blood flow that may affect sexual function as well.
Circadian rhythm sleep disorders, which present as an inability to sleep at the desired time to function optimally at work and school, can also wreak havoc with one’s sex life.Shift workers,who split their days and nights or work entirely overnight, often experience chronic sexual dysfunction — and that applies to bothmenandwomen.
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“Be mindful of your partner’s chronotype,” Zee said, “and if you aren’t certain, there are chronotype questionnaires online that you both can take.”
Sustainable Investment Stocks in India Best Stock Research Group ✌️【Short-Term Contract】✌️ Free stock market analysis and data updates to help you select the best investment portfolio. Achieve steady growth and avoid losses with expert predictions and real-time market insights. While your sleep chronotype is genetically programmed, there are ways you can adjust to match your partner’s preference. A night owl, for example, can turn off lights earlier to trigger the release of melatonin, nature’s sleep hormone, and flood their eyes with early morning light to turn it off.
“The strongest reset for the circadian system is bright light,” Zeetold 【 - Free Investing Community 】 in an earlier interview. “Light in the morning changes the oscillation of your circadian clock genes at both a cellular and molecular level. You are also training all your rhythms, whether it’s sleep, blood pressure, heart rate or your cortisol rhythm to be earlier.”
Eating evening meals at an earlier time also sends a message to the body to adjust its internal rhythm, as does moving one’s exercise routine to the morning or early afternoon.
“I think exercise is really good for both sleep and sex,” Zee said. “It boosts muscle, limbers joints and can increase your libido.”
Sustainable Investment Stocks in India Best Stock Research Group ✌️【Short-Term Contract】✌️ Real-time stock indices and futures data to help you seize the best investment opportunities. Analyze market movements with precision and grow your portfolio with expert stock predictions. All too often people expect to fall asleep when their head hits the pillow — or have their libido work at will — but that’s a pipe dream, Kerner said.
“It’s really easy to develop bad sleep habits that can affect the quality of your sleep, and the same is true for sex,” he said.
“A lot of people think sex is spontaneous, sex is organic, sexual chemistry and sexual fireworks should just happen,” Kerner said. “And that’s absolutely not true in long-term relationships. Good sex, just like good sleep, needs to be planned.”
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“I ask them to carve out a window of time to be willing to be sexual with each other. It doesn’t have to result in sex. It can just be 15 minutes of kissing or fooling around, just trying to warm up and see where things go,” he said.
“Any sexual contact reminds you and your partner that sex is part of your life, and it’s important. Any shared arousal, any flirtation, is a positive move toward future sexual events.”
Do you want to learn more about sleep? Sign up for ourLBB Sleep newsletterfor more ideas to get better sleep in 2025. If you need help setting and sustaining your goals, try thesetips for building habits.
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