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Published on: 2025-04-15 21:53:22 Published on: 2025-04-15 21:53:22

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If your child is riding the line between naughty and nice this holiday season, it may be tempting to use the impending threat of Santa withholding gifts as leverage to curb bad behavior.

One in 4 parents of preschool-age children have used Santa or the threat of no gifts to address misbehavior, according to a new C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health released on Monday.

“It can be a challenge for parents to know the best ways to handle discipline issues, so we wanted to explore their approaches (to see) where they get resources from to help them make decisions about disciplining young children,” said Dr. Susan Woolford, Mott Poll codirector and pediatrician at the University of Michigan Health in Ann Arbor.

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Experts warn that both threats and bribes can backfire, encouraging further misbehavior and causing stress for young kids, according to Dr. Michelle Janning, professor of sociology at Whitman College in Washington state.

“Even 5-year-olds look at each other in terms of what cool things they have, and if you don’t get them a present you said you would, it creates a real threat (in the minds of children) in (a) society where kids scrutinize each other,” Janning said.

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“There’s a different kind of audience assumption about who is watching you and whether it will be scrutinized in a certain way … in all of the reels and TikTok videos of parents doing things to their kids,” Janning said.

It’s important for parents to stick to their planned strategies in these situations, Woolford said. “I think parents would be really surprised at how much empathy they might get from others in a store who could recall when they had to deal with such a situation,” she said.

Parents can also avoid public outings when children are tired or hungry, or when parents are feeling drained to avoid unnecessary frustrations.

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Instead, she encouraged parents to practice positive reinforcement when their child exhibits desired behaviors while also being specific about the actions with which you’re satisfied.

“Rather than saying, ‘Oh, what a good girl,’ you want to say, ‘Wow, that’s so good how you helped Mom pick up the toys,’” Woolford said.

Using specific statements will help children recognize which behaviors you want them to repeat, encouraging them to continue performing those actions to receive more praise.

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In addition to words of affirmation, some parents may use rewards as reinforcement. However, if you’re considering this route, Woolford encouraged parents to be careful with the types of incentives they use. For instance, food-related incentives such as candy can create unhealthy associations.

“We really don’t recommend using food as a reward or threat to take it away because, in the long term, it’s often associated with having a poor relationship with food,” Woolford said.

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Even when parents choose to discipline their children, many are unsure if their methods are effective. Almost 40% of parents believe their techniques are highly successful, while 57% feel they’re only somewhat effective, according to the survey.

For young children, especially around the age of 1 year, Woolford recommended redirecting them from dangerous behaviors such as touching electrical outlets by offering them a toy or another activity since they may not yet understand why their behavior is inappropriate.

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For those parents needing extra help, Woolford recommended consulting with your child’s primary care doctor or utilizing theAmerican Academy of Pediatricsparenting site.

“Pediatricians are a good resource, even when someone is just thinking about what their (discipline) plan would be,” Woolford said, “not just when problems.”

Janningalso advised parents to follow their instincts and adapt their approaches based on their unique family needs.

“Parents should go easier on themselves and stop shaming each other because it’s a hard enough job as is,” she said.

Clarification: this story has been updated to clarify a quote from Dr. Michelle Janning on how young children process bribery and threats from their parents.

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